The Past Two Days: July 13 - July 12

July 12

I woke up at my usual time of around 10 o'clock.  I made a full and complete breakfast sometime around 11, and then went off to play Skyrim.  While playing, I saw Coung, Cameron, and Emily coming back from what I would later learn was coffee.  This led to me feeling snubbed and unliked, which was exacerbated by having felt the same the prior evening when people had gone to sit outside without letting me know.

Feeling shitty, I quit playing Skyrim and set about isolating myself by doing chores and not speaking to anyone.  After about an hour, I realized half the house was gearing up to leave for the park when Emily came to see if I wanted to go.  I was still feeling sad and unlikable, so I said no.  When everyone was gone, I dissolved into a crying fit, going through the usual themes in my head of wanting to be perfect, feeling as though I was really and truly disliked, and telling myself that the only time I ever worked hard or was successful when I was unhappy.   After this I fell asleep for maybe and hour or two.

I woke up after a time feeling emotionally drained and kind of dead inside.  Everyone arrived back after a while, and while I had come downstairs to sit, I intentionally avoided everyone and set about to work on laundry.  Finishing that, I noticed that Daniel, Cuong, and Emily were outside, but I didn't make any attempt to go outside at that point.  However, Emily did come in at one point to see if I wanted to come out.  I told her that I would, though after she went back outside I seriously considered not.  However, after taking care of some laundry and taking a quick, brisk shower, I went outside feeling more normal and enjoyed chatting for a while.  After we all went inside I watched Sherlock for a couple hours before going to bed around 2.

July 13

I woke up at the usual hour.  I spent some time both reading the news and playing DayZ before heading downstairs for breakfast.  I did not use the television downstairs for a while because the majority of the house was watching the World Cup final which began at noon.

After the game was done, I used the downstairs television to watch several episodes of Archer, before switching to play Skyrim for about an hour or so.  At some time around this hour, I went outside to sit with Cuong, Daniel and Cameron, who left within the hour.  I then came inside and played some more Skyrim before the Seattle Sounders game which Daniel and Cuong watched.

During the game, Emily drove me to QFC so I could pick up groceries.  Upon getting back and at the end of the game I sat down to watch the final two episodes of season 3 of Sherlock.  I went to bad between 1 and 1:30 AM.